I will love

"A wise girl kisses but never loves...listens but doesn't believe...and leaves before she is left." Marilyn Monroe.

One of my teenage mentees posted this on her facebook last week and I just have to wonder...what kind of crack was Marilyn Monroe smoking, and since when was this wrapped up and dished out as good advice? Since when was stupidity sold as wisdom? I should be gentler, but it worries me that young people today, or I suppose, not just today, are on-slotted with the idea that happiness can only be had in self preservation. More like a death sentence to cold hearted isolation.

Now, let me clarify that I certainly understand where this is coming from; and am sensitive to it. The concept of it, and the affinity to it, is most likely the result of some unbelievably painful heartbreak that leaves one feeling like the nerve endings to their heart have been ripped out and frozen and then plugged back in for a nice little reminder. I get that. Been there. But what an awful thing to come out the other side saying! What an awful way to take a life lesson and toss it in the trash, put it in lock down, and give up on experiencing one of the greatest gifts in life! Would you like me to tell you how I really feel?

I love people. Plain and simple. If I didn't have people to love, if their weren't people for me to love, then life would be pretty desperate for me. You cannot ask me to partially love someone, or be reserved with how I love someone, trust me, my parents have been giving me that lecture since I discovered romantic relationships. Doesn't work that way with me. If I love you...I'll love you, hook, line, and sinker. Doesn't matter who you are either. You want to put up walls and get all tough? All the better, I'll try my hardest to smash em down. You want to be difficult and play hard to get? Go ahead...I like the challenge. I live to love people. That's my job, my passion, my gift. So when you tell me that it's safer, better not to love, you will excuse me if I disregard you. You will excuse me if I laugh when you tell me that the pain isn't worth it. I say bring it. Let me hurt, let me break, but don't tell me I cannot love.

It is what makes humans human. It is what makes life richer. It is what gives life purpose. And it certainly is what makes it beautiful. What would I have missed if I was safely tucked in isolation? I cannot even begin to tell you! I would have missed the understanding of safety in the unwavering love of my parents. I would have missed the protection and laughter of my brothers. I would have missed the friends-forever of my childhood. I would have missed the childhood imagination of romance, my prince charming. I would have missed feeling like my real life prince charming had ridden into my life and swept me off my feet that Montana winter, even though he turned me out into the cold a few months later. But to miss that? Never. I would have missed the lifelong friendships that I've built. The ones that I fall back on when things are tough. I would have missed the heady thrill of really being taken with someone...so much fun. I would have missed the needs of the kids I worked with, the things that only love can see. I would have missed out on finding someone behind a disguise, because love was the only thing that could see it. I would have missed my wedding day, my friends funeral, my Crystal's baptism, my best friends wedding, the chubby cheeks of my nieces, the broken sobs of a teenager, late night laughter, early morning smiles, knowledge of the safety of being known by another...I would have missed life.

Would I have missed some pain? Of course. I would have missed the breath taking, gut wrenching, devastation of my first heart break. I would have missed the helplessness of loving but not being able to help. I would have missed a few tears. Some sad stories. But how could I take any one of these things away and still be who I am today? How could I choose to sacrifice all that has been gained from pain? Never.

I do not fear love, or the loss of it rather. It is a part of life to love and loose. In the worlds of the famous poet..."it is better to have loved and lossed then to have never loved at all" I resonate. I will love those around me. It is my pleasure, my duty. We cannot call ourselves Christians until we can love. I hate to think what would have happened if the fear of pain had kept Christ from loving. He knew what would happen, he knew that his love would be rejected...but he loved anyway. Because it is who he is and what he does. You can tell me, that rejection is ahead of me and loss is eminent. I know this. No need to state. But don't try to tell me that the solution is in what people call independence and safety. There is no freedom in being tied to yourself. I will not take that road.

I will love.

The House By the Side of the Road

Let me live in a house by the side of the road,
Where the race of men go by -
The men who are good and the men who are bad,
As good and as bad as I.
I would not sit in the scorner's seat,
Or hurl the cynic's ban;
Let me live in a house by the side of the road
And be a friend to man.

I see from my house by the side of the road,
By the side of the highway of life,
The men who press with the ardor of hope,
The men who are faint with the strife.
But I turn not away from their smiles nor their tears -
Both parts of an infinite plan;
Let me live in my house by the side of the road
And be a friend to man.

I know there are brook-gladdened meadows ahead
And mountains of wearisome height;
And the road passes on through the long afternoon
And stretches away to the night.
But still I rejoice when the travelers rejoice,
And weep with the strangers that moan,
Nor live in my house by the side of the road
Like a man who dwells alone.

Let me live in my house by the side of the road
Where the race of men go by -
They are good, they are bad, they are weak, they are strong,
Wise, foolish - so am I.
Then why should I sit in the scorner's seat
Or hurl the cynic's ban?
Let me live in my house by the side of the road
And be a friend to man.

Sam Walter Foss